i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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