I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
