Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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