I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
