So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Non-Jews are for practice
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
