We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
