Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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