i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
