The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize