you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
