You really coming over, don't trick.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
