Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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