Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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