my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
