i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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