OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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