Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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