Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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