Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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