I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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