I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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