cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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