tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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