ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
