guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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