I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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