My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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