"it" just moved
Barsexuality is the new black.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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