everyone is single if you try hard enough
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
