As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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