Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
