either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
