Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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