i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
