i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
