You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
