All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
