A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
