i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize