based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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