in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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