Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
