I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
