Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
