I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
