Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
