i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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