How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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