I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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