it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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