i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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