tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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