So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
