The maid of honor just puked.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
