i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
