Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
