can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.