You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.