i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
