Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
