I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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