ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
