Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
