Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
