i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
