It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love you. Go after that dick
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